After the trip I had gone back to work. There lately I was experiencing a lot of frustration with the software that is buggy, deadlines to meet and high expectations. Today greeted me with issues that needed to be resolved, seemingly no interest from the software company to help us and opinionated co-workers trying to impose their will...but there was something distinctly different...I felt no anger. It bubbled up once as if by habit and I reminded myself to be the light...and felt no anger. No frustration occurred when angry e-mails came trying to push me around, just a calm realization that we were all in this together and I wanted nothing to do with negativity coming out of me. And for the first time in a long time at work I was at peace.
I went about my business of trying to resolve issues and seemed only annoyed by my brother (who at this point proved to be the only one resiliant enought to shake me off my cloud...) Other then that I was serene and calm and loving it. I am not certain of the reason behind this metamorphosis but the sense is that I am finally awakening my other sides which have been dormant for so long.. and in the wholesomeness of it I find myself.
2 comments:
Inna.
I like reading your thoughts and analysis. I hope it will help you to live fully and grow. So, I am very impressed and sometimes surprised, but mostly proud. It is not easy to practice in the real life what we read in books. Especially with the closest people, family members, relatives. It is the biggest challenge. It is much easier to exercise it on somebody you barely know, or co-workers who are under you and you not depend on his/her estimation of your value and meeting his/her expectations. In contrary, closest people are provoking you most of the time. They know you IN and OUT. And they are telling you the truth (their understanding of truth) even hurting you with their understanding of you. You are loosing tolerance, you already not so patient, calm and kind. You can be the worst of you, you allowed yourself to be yourself with closest people (who you truly are). So, that's why it is a biggest challenge. And to overcome this step of growing, and still to feel you as a light, making all chores and still be a light, communicate with your closest people and still be a light – this is already a piece of art… I found this more difficult then anything else… At lest for me, it is still a biggest challenge, that I have to overcome.
Inna,
Thank you for your comment. Our circle gets brighter with you in it. As for your thoughts, the process of being your inner light is like an onion being peeled. It has outer layers that are easier to throw away but as you get closer and closer to the core you start to feel it and cry. Everything is imprinted in us on an emotional level and the people closest to you are at your core. The path you have chosen is not an easy one but you seem to be at your core and that leads me to believe that you are close. Keep your head above water and keep reminding yourself you are the light and not a reflection of the world around you. Shine through in everything and let go of your expectations. Live the life and remember why you are here. We love you.
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