Dear Circle,
Working in the IT field specifically and in Corporate American in general could be a pretty stressfull thing. It gets compounded when you encounter factors that throw off your balance. It could be a person at work, a computer issue, a program not working. As previously stated being in the moment is tough enough but being pissed in the moment really makes it hard. For instance day in day out I deal with a computer software that is buggy and feel like a beta tester instead of a developer. Thus I find it difficult to keep my cool when I encounter problem after problem that makes my job nearly impossible. Every deadline or projection is more of a dart throw blindfolded because one never knows what lies ahead. Thus my dilema...I know that thought is energy that can never be distroyed and everything comes back to you. If you say negative things about someone (such as the developers at the software company) it is bound to ricochet right back. I also try to be positive and understanding and to minimize the negativity "spilled" onto the world. However on the other hand one needs to let go of this negative emotion in some way. I have tried pushups at work, relaxation, etc. Has anyone found an effective way to deal with this?
2 comments:
:-) Try asking Delai Lama, maybe he has the answer. I have a feeling most of us are struggling with that one. It's a little easier to deal with the negative feelings when you have more time to react. It’s more difficult when a reaction is expected immediately. For example, when somebody cuts you off on the road and flips you the bird. It happens so fast and so unexpectedly, that immediate negative reaction is very likely (we are not in a habit of thinking before reacting to things like that). Or if somebody deliberately embarrasses you in front of your boss and your direct reports. Agh! How do you let it go when your good name was just smeared? What will people think if you don’t immediately reply with a smart reply? It takes time to tell yourself that this is all not real, that it is just a tiny insignificant moment in your endless existence.
I think it simply takes practice, and there is no quick and easy solution to negative outbursts. I think through self-reflection and analysis of where we allowed ourselves be negative, we can train ourselves to reach a state of tranquility quicker, without visiting the mind hell of negative thoughts. Taking the time to think before reacting is a skill that is important in such quest. We often react with feelings. Fight or flight. We feel an instant need to point out who is at fault for the mess in front of us. Emotions get the best of us, and we need to learn to control them by training yourself to analyze the situation first. It's likely that the developers writing the program were under an unreasonable deadline, probably working weekends to release on time. We've all been there, and can probably relate. A person flipping the bird and cutting off your car is full of negative thoughts and stress. Lets wish that they can get rid of this stress cloud soon and gain control over their mind again. There is no objective reality, as we all read. Each of us has a subjective reality of our own. Maybe through efforts to understand each other's reality, we can become wise enough not to loose our inner balance as others become out of balance with their emotions.
I can’t say I’ve mastered the skill. I try, with various results. I think I am slowly getting better. I am sure you are too. Lets just keep working hard at it, and teach our kids about staying positive. Hopefully it will be easier for them if they learn about it early.
I took a class in Chicago today, Conflict Management, lead by Dr.Kim. As it often happens, as soon as questions arise in life, answers are right behind. She had made a few suggestions related to the topic of negativity and releasing it.
Dr. Kim said that is there is no enemy inside, than the enemy outside cannot hurt you. She advised to repeat "I forgive you" until you actually let go of negative feelings toward people who got you out of balance. Until we forgive them, you carry them and their deeds with you. Those things continue to hurt you. Forgiving for your sake, to release them out of your mind is the best way, she believes. Her way, as I mentioned, was to continue repeating to yourself "I forgive you, for my own sake, so I don't have to keep carrying you and your deeds in my heart and continue hurting". She generally advised to do things for your own sake, not for others. This way you get control over the outcome. For example, if a coworker refuses to speak with you when you say "hello" in the morning, she says there is no need to obsess over it, try to get him to like you or say "hello" back. Continue saying hello to him, for yourself. You know who you are. You say hello because you know that you are a person who does not hold grudges and wants to be polite and keep an open door to reconciliation. Like yourself, love yourself, don't keep somebody's problem in your heart. Forgive them. Interesting lady. Take a look at her page: http://www.drkimspeaks.com/
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